I realize that I have a collection of profound (at least in my mind) rants that I share on FB, but thought I would move some of them here to a space more appropriate for rants. I’ll make a new page for that and call it something cute like “musings” or something. Anyway, here’s my latest…
I don’t know why quitting gets such a bad rap. “Quitters never prosper,” “You only fail when you quit,” or “Quitting is not an option.” But why not? Why is quitting such a bad thing? I understand developing endurance and tenacity, but what about that abusive relationship I was in with that cheating louse? Glad I quit that. How about my eating disorder? I had gotten small enough that my cycle disappeared, my eyes were dark and hallow, and every bone in my tiny body was visible. If you touched me at all, I would get a dark and painful bruise. Good thing I quit that madness. And what about my drug habit? I mean, I had gotten pretty good at that. I was cute so most of my treats were free. Talk about networking! My tolerance could not be beat. Even though I worked so hard to develop this skill, I eventually did quit. I want to do the same with alcohol, but the closest I’ve come is to minimize my consumption.
Those kinds of things are ok to quit, right? So why is it not ok to quit things like a career you realize is just not for you? Why does talk of that get the stank eye? Every time I talk about my plans with friends and distant relatives, I hear, “Just give it another chance,” “You’re great at it, though,” or “You’ll like it more after some more experience.”
Thankfully my mom knows me better and is right up front in my cheering section rooting for me to quit this job. She understands why I took it in the first place and what I hoped it would be, but the reality of the situation is that it is breaking my spirit. I’d rather be doing my previous job, editing video content, or better, using my English degree to write professionally. Someone whose talents and interests that match this job needs to be doing this job. My students deserve a teacher like that. Not one that goes into panic mode every Sunday evening and stays up late procrastinating bedtime to put off the eventual Monday morning. They deserve that and I deserve to find what is right for me. In order to do that, I have to do the unthinkable. Quit. Yes, I am a quitter and I am going to quit this job and probably before the end of the school year. That will probably get me blacklisted from other schools as quitting mid-year is frowned upon, but I’m ok with that.
I am going to quit trying to shove this round peg into a square hole and find my bliss. Most importantly I am going to quit living according to inspirational one-liners and for everyone else. It’s time I start living for me and according to what I think and feel is right, but I cannot do that until first I first quit what is not working.