I Am a Quitter

I Am a Quitter

I realize that I have a collection of profound (at least in my mind) rants that I share on FB, but thought I would move some of them here to a space more appropriate for rants. I’ll make a new page for that and call it something cute like “musings” or something. Anyway, here’s my latest…

I don’t know why quitting gets such a bad rap. “Quitters never prosper,” “You only fail when you quit,” or “Quitting is not an option.” But why not? Why is quitting such a bad thing? I understand developing endurance and tenacity, but what about that abusive relationship I was in with that cheating louse? Glad I quit that. How about my eating disorder? I had gotten small enough that my cycle disappeared, my eyes were dark and hallow, and every bone in my tiny body was visible. If you touched me at all, I would get a dark and painful bruise. Good thing I quit that madness. And what about my drug habit? I mean, I had gotten pretty good at that. I was cute so most of my treats were free. Talk about networking! My tolerance could not be beat. Even though I worked so hard to develop this skill, I eventually did quit. I want to do the same with alcohol, but the closest I’ve come is to minimize my consumption.

Those kinds of things are ok to quit, right? So why is it not ok to quit things like a career you realize is just not for you? Why does talk of that get the stank eye? Every time I talk about my plans with friends and distant relatives, I hear, “Just give it another chance,” “You’re great at it, though,” or “You’ll like it more after some more experience.”

Thankfully my mom knows me better and is right up front in my cheering section rooting for me to quit this job. She understands why I took it in the first place and what I hoped it would be, but the reality of the situation is that it is breaking my spirit. I’d rather be doing my previous job, editing video content, or better, using my English degree to write professionally. Someone whose talents and interests that match this job needs to be doing this job. My students deserve a teacher like that. Not one that goes into panic mode every Sunday evening and stays up late procrastinating bedtime to put off the eventual Monday morning. They deserve that and I deserve to find what is right for me. In order to do that, I have to do the unthinkable. Quit. Yes, I am a quitter and I am going to quit this job and probably before the end of the school year. That will probably get me blacklisted from other schools as quitting mid-year is frowned upon, but I’m ok with that.

I am going to quit trying to shove this round peg into a square hole and find my bliss. Most importantly I am going to quit living according to inspirational one-liners and for everyone else. It’s time I start living for me and according to what I think and feel is right, but I cannot do that until first I first quit what is not working.

30 Days With Limited Sugar– Knee Surgery!

30 Days With Limited Sugar– Knee Surgery!

Hallelujah! The time has finally arrived. I know I promised you all an eye-opening article and I will get back to that at a later date, but I wanted to share the happy news that I finally had my knee surgery. Why is this important regarding my weight loss journey? Because of the swelling. My knee injury has caused quite a bit of pain and a serious amount of swelling. I blamed the giant balloon knee on the fact that my sugar detox only resulted in a 5 pound weight loss over the course of 30 days. My pants fit much better, but the scale just would not budge. Read more

30 Days of Limited Sugar — Week 1

30 Days of Limited Sugar — Week 1

I’ve noticed that when I wrote about my sugar binge that I went on after my 30 Day No Sugar Added Detox that I have been losing readers. Perhaps you lost faith in me and don’t want to read about someone eating a king sized Snickers ice cream bar. Maybe you lost faith in me because you don’t understand why anyone would go through a detox like that and go back to my bad habits. I get it.

Allow me to explain. Read more

Sugar Binge!

Sugar Binge!

Since I finished my 30 Days with no (added) sugar experiment, I’ve decided to try some of the foods that had added sugar that I missed during that time. Now mind you, some of these are sugary, like the Rasberry Creme soda I had hidden in my pantry, and some of them are “good” foods, like hummus or jerky which just happens to have sugar as one of the ingredients.  Read more

End Results & Next Steps

End Results & Next Steps

Never in a million years would I have ever thought that I could successfully reduce the sugar in my diet, but after seeing a Buzzfeed article titled 30 Days Of Meals You Can Eat During A Sugar Detox come across my news feed I was inspired to give it a shot. Now mind you, if this was absolutely no sugar, I wouldn’t be able to handle it at all, but this is no added sugar. Look at the ingredients of whatever it is you are eating now or ate last. I bet you a dollar that there is some form of added sugar in there. Sugar, cane sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, dextrose and many more are the names this sneaky additive goes by. As someone who has been growing and canning fruit I can tell you sugar is a fantastic preservative. That being said our American food supply is filled with way too much of the stuff. Why do Cheetos need sugar? How about lunch meat? Beef jerky! Why does my Gluten Free bread have sugar in it? In the process I went through an entire jar of  Organic Natural Peanut Butter and discovered and remembered some amazing recipes. Among my favorites would have to be lettuce wraps, pho and no sugar added ice cream made from peanut butter and bananas.  Read more

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — Final Days

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — Final Days

I added up all my calories after lettuce wraps and detox pho and realized that I only had 1100 calories that day. Did I mention that I was 180 pounds? Even while dieting that is not enough for someone of my size. Yeah as much as we’d like to believe that a little starvation is all it takes to get down to our goal weight, that can actually switch your body into freak out mode and it wants to hold onto every bit of food you put into it. According to CoachCalorie.com  it could even cause your decreased thyroid production. Did I mention that I already have a thyroid issue? That’s all I need. The following day, I downloaded the My Plate app from Livestrong and started punching in my meals. I used to use this years ago, but like some people who abruptly stop taking their required medications as soon as they start feeling better, I quit using it. Now, I’m back to it to make sure that I am eating enough.  Read more

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — 26 & 27

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — 26 & 27

Day 26– Today I am giving up recommended diet breakfasts and going back to my basic smoothie recipe. This smoothie has a banana, a scoop of whey protein powder, flax seeds, 1/2 cup of yogurt, 1 cup of coconut milk or almond milk and 1/2 c of frozen blueberries. This time I added celery. I don’t know why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Of course, since I like leftovers I made a double batch and filled the rest of the room in the blender with ice. IMG_0817Of course, as soon as I poured my glass, I realized that I had actually made three servings. I was fine with that because this one was actually delicious. The picture doesn’t show it well, but it really is a beautiful shade of pink.  Read more

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — Days 24 & 25

30 Days With No (Added) Sugar — Days 24 & 25

Day 24 — I went to go see my doctor on Friday about my knee and my doctor who operated on my other knee when I slipped and tore a chunk of cartilage was fairly dismissive.

“People’s knees flare up from time to time and then go back to normal. Has it shrunk at all since the original injury?” he says.

“A little. I’ve been on a steady diet of Ibuprofen so that’s to be expected.”

“Does it hurt when I touch here?”

“No”

“Here?”

“No”

“Here?”

“Bro, it’s not bruised, it’s torn!” Read more

30 Days With No Sugar — Day 23

30 Days With No Sugar — Day 23

Kim Kardashian was on the View today and looking amazing. Now, while I’m not generally a fan, I have to give credit where credit is due. This woman who is known for her impeccable style looked even better than her usual self.

ABC-Kim-Kardashian-theview-ml-170620_12x5_1600
The View- ABC

They talked about all kinds of things like Kanye and Caitlyn Jenner, I stayed glued to the screen quietly calling to the screen, “Talk about your body.” Finally, toward the end of the episode, she finally talks about her regimine and how she slimmed down so much.

Read more

30 Days Without Sugar — Day 22 — Weigh in #3

30 Days Without Sugar — Day 22 — Weigh in #3

Oh, c’mon! No more hormones, no more bloating, but the scale is still stuck. Obviously, I’ve shrunk enough for it to be visible to people to notice, but how on earth is the scale frozen to 180. I’ve picked up a new pair of pants that are size 11/13 which is a size smaller than I have been wearing, but the scale has me perplexed. Yes I know muscle weighs more than fat, but I’m not body building. By that I mean I’m not at the gym lifting weights or anything. Just some light cardio (my knee has its limits), strength training and mostly yoga. I couldn’t have packed on that much muscle in three weeks. There is still the question about the water weight around my injured knee, but I won’t know anything about that for a few days at least.  I have an appointment with the surgeon that worked on my other knee on Friday.

There is good news, though. In total, I have lost 4.6 pounds (I did that all in the first week. Whatever!), I have lost 2.25 inches in my chest, two inches around my waist, two inches around my hips, and finally a half an inch on my thighs. Still good news, all around, although I feel like I could be doing better. I see why people say to not pay attention to the scale, but the sad truth is I still weigh 180 pounds.  Read more